I wrote this on my flight from New York to Vegas this morning...one I got up for at 1:00 am Pacific Standard Time to catch. Thought about erasing it, but in true Sarah form, I wrote it for a reason, so...
On my way back from an awesome trip to New York. I've been gone from home for five short days, but the combination of flights, trains and subways, walking, and relaxing on restaurant fronts with drinks has given me plenty more time to do what I do best...think.
Days one and two were spent overthinking and stressing. Finally by the third day, I hit vacation mode and was actually enjoying myself...I'd given up worrying about the wedding I'm in on Thursday, the engagement party I'm throwing Saturday, and the guy I've known for two months who confusingly reciprocates my bids for affirmation and proves in little ways that we may just have a shot. For the first time in a while, texts from a guy make me giddy (even if it's something pithy like 'I just hurt my leg running, boo :('...) and seeing his face makes me light up. And for once, a best bud likes him...says he'd be good for me. Like Bright Eyes says...I feel like I'm waiting to win the lottery with this one...and for me, that's freaky. But my heart is sticking with him (because, to tell you the truth, my heart hasn't given me the choice yet to bail)...until it gels or until it dies...you'll know the outcome either way.
One thing I've decided while on this trip is that I'm modifying my June roadtrip. I'm going to Ashland, Angels Camp, LA, and then heading back home. I've got other things I want to do. I want some downtime at home. I want to be a better bridesmaid for Clarence and Tami than I have been for my brother and Christi. I'm not ready to roll back through Utah yet. Not sure why.
Otherwise, I'm wondering if lucky and fortunate go hand in hand. The butterfly effect of everything good in my life mesmerizes me at times. I'm not sure how people can bitch and moan constantly about small things. We create what we assume we will create. Negativity just breeds more of it. Positivity makes a domino effect of pretty much anything good you want, within reason. I've been living my life fearlessly and shamelessly for a while now. I'm sure I've looked like an ass at times, and I definitely haven't gotten everything I wanted. But, come on now...why wouldn't you just want to live like you're dying and do all the exciting things that come your way and fight til the end for everything you want, whether that be love, better perks at work, more faithful friendships, more honesty with everyone?
It seems to work alright for me. And I'm sticking with it.
Songs...I like the new Usher CD. Yea, I said it. And I'm seriously thinking The Script deserve all the attention they're getting. I'd listen if I were you.
Monday, May 17, 2010
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