We’re All Effing Beautiful…

The other night I was watching TV with my roomie (ok, over two weeks ago…I don’t watch a lot of TV). Jennifer Garner popped up on the screen. My roomie commented that she didn’t think that she was that pretty. I disagreed and said that I liked that the American ’ideal’ has appeared to embrace her and ’decide’ she is beautiful. I mean, why not? She has a great body, cute dimples, she’s always smiling, and most of all she seems like a genuinely good person. Then my roomie agreed, true, she is beautiful.

So, years ago I wrote an insanely long paper for school about beauty in the US…how models used to be size eights, but at the time (in 1996) had shrunk to a size two. At the time, I was a muscular size ten and pissed. Now I AM a skinny size 4, and still pissed. Why are we still so stuck on these ideas that women all need to be the same mold of beauty, and men for that matter?

Granted, in the dating world, you have to be attracted to anyone you may want to date…so let’s look past that for now shall we and just focus on some other thoughts…for me, I’m looking for ‘perfect for me’…not perfect for the world…which means, their insides better damn well be loving and caring as all hell. Which may explain why I was completely comfortable spending five plus years of my life with a guy who was only 5’7”…and anyone who knows who I am speaking of may like to know that he continues to be beautiful, is married with a lovely little daughter and runs a Domestic Violence Shelter in Moab, Utah.

Why is it that every time Queen Latifah gets interviewed they wax on about her big beautiful body. Why can’t we let that go and just agree that she is a beautiful person inside and out, big not included?

I just know I have met some drop dead gorgeous women and men in my life who were the ugliest assholes on the inside. It made the perfect smile seem evil, the pretty eyes seem manipulative, the muscular arms an excuse for them to be controlling and bullying to others.

Case in point. One of my best guys loves to go to Henry’s to ogle the girls. Whenever we go, I challenge him to talk to them, go say hi, buy them a drink. He never does. He mentions that they snub him when he smiles at them, seem really uptight, or seem above everybody else in the bar. Granted, some of these chicks are gorgeous inside and out too, but he’s figured out the girls at Blitz Ladd seem more smiley, down to earth, less concerned with pounds of makeup, etc, etc…but he still won’t talk to them, but that’s a different story.

And, as I write this, I just returned from the gym because I want to be in awesome shape (ok, and it makes me feel better, but it's definitely vanity driven as well), I wear makeup most days and LOVE makeup actually. I buy $150 jeans to make my ass look cuter. Damn right I will get as adorable as I can for First Thursday this week. So honestly, I just feed into the problem I suppose…and maybe that makes me a hypocrite…but shit, at least I feel like I am beautiful…almost all the time…regardless of what anyone else thinks.

I guess my point is that you should never assume that you aren’t beautiful. Because I’m sure you are and you just don’t know it.  Embrace parts of you that are unconventional to society's eye.  And if you’re beautiful on the inside too, well, that one slightly imperfect tooth, that graying hair, that bridge of your nose that annoys the piss out of you, or the feet you think are slightly too big, the chest you think is too small, the ears that seem too imperfect… well, they’re are probably quite endearing to friends, lovers, and even your family...and make you all the more beautiful. I mean, the more I get to know certain people, the more I love certain features about them…mostly because they are simply amazing people.

Just a thought…I’ll stop rambling now and offer up some songs:  I Run to You by Lady Antebellum, You and Me by DMB, and listen to the band Stars. Saw them recently in concert and was literally floored.

In Order to Balance Out My Optimism…

I will complain for a few lines about all that is bothering me…

The Gore separation: Unlike the Speidi separation which I could give a flying f**k about, the Gores calling it quits rattles me. I thought they had as good a shot as Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a seven year old kid when I worked at a party store during high school and college. She was looking at cake toppers and pointed to one with a silver ‘25’ on top and asked what it was for. I told her that was for when people have been married 25 years. She looked at me, sighed, and said, “But people don’t stay married that long anymore!“ I was stunned. I am from a family with parents on both ends of the spectrum…a mother who has been married and divorced five times AND a father who has been happily remarried for 27 years. Think I plan to take after my father…and Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward…they were a fairytale.

The oil spill: As much as I like to stay up on current events, I can’t even read the articles on this without wanting to cry. Actually, my bleeding heart is reacting to everything I read in Time Magazine lately too. Some days, I feel like I need to quit my job, sell my stuff, and just go help people. I know my actual paying job is to help people everyday, but, sometimes, being an American feels really, REALLY selfish. I’m working on how to handle this without giving up my livelihood. I’ll let you know what I come up with. It may include finding a few more volunteer projects to partake in…I could use some, so give me a few good ideas.

Rain: Need I say more? My label as being the ‘solar powered girl’ feels so true right now. Saturday’s sun created a crazy Sarah monster of wildness. Then, back to being a slug the past few days. I’m going crazy!!!

Me jumping to conclusions: The first thing I think when wives disappear is that their husbands had something to do with it. The first thing I think when kids disappear is that their parents had something to do with it. My industry gets me jaded at times. God, I know there are more kids missing out there than Kyron right now, and I really hope more of them are found.

Ok, no more negatives. But, as promised, I mentioned something in the last post and said people would know results either way. So, “it” died. The gel isn’t there at the moment. So for now, we move on…

Let’s end with some happiness and a lesson, shall we…

Amazing friends: Robin calls me at least every few weeks to tell me she loves and misses me and to make sure I’m ok. She’s been doing this since we were 12, and I love her for it. I called my friend Nick this afternoon and the first thing he said to me was, “I’ve missed that voice.” He’s a relatively new friend in all reality, but he’s one who just always knows what to say and cares about everyone who crosses his path…he’s already given me loads of good advice.  Jamey pointed to me on Friday night and announced to a small crowd that I saved his life during the six months after his girlfriend died.  It floored me, and I think I actually got tears in my eyes. David boldly told me on Saturday night, “Damn Sarah, when you are not interested in talking to someone, you can be such a bitch!!!” I so appreciate every moment of the last few years that he has just bravely told me I am a pain in the ass at times.

The lesson…constantly reevaluate what ‘friendship’ means to you. Don’t hold onto shitty friends, don't only spend time with the friends who stroke your egos...schedule time and listen hard to the ones who tell you the truth.  And of course, try to remind the really good ones (new and old) who stick with you through everything that you love them. Superficiality is a waste of your time. 

And since I can’t really think of any songs this month, here is what I am looking forward to this summer…

Staying out too late on work nights, the family trip, the wedding of C + T, kayaking, inner tubing, hitting balls on the driving range at sundown, beer festivals, First Thursdays, excuses to find a designated driver and act like an idiot OR BE the designated driver and make fun of all the other people acting like idiots, random concerts, trips to the beach, and heavy rotation of my flip flops and tank tops. BUT topping the list is the arrival of my next nephew, Baby Boy Perry in July. He’s going to be amazing.

Thank God it's almost really summer!