Monday, November 15, 2010

The Right Hand Ring...

I wear a ring on my right ring finger that was given to me by an incredibly terrible person. I am quite comfortable saying that he was ‘an incredibly terrible person’ because, well, he treated me like absolute crap and always tried to cry his way out of shit when I called him on it. Anyone who is pretty close to me knows the story of this man, and know that while he and I were together, I second guessed myself literally everyday…multiple times. He mentally beat me to the ground, and it took a Hell of a lot of amazing people to pick me back up once I came back to Oregon in 2007.

So, the ring…it is actually kind of a nuisance. It’s not completely sealed around my finger, so it gets caught on things like the rim of the washing machine, towels, doors…literally almost broke my finger once (or twice) because of it. I sold the bracelet and earrings that were also given to me with the ring, donated the necklace to a charity for kids with cancer. But, I just can’t part with this last little piece of silver.

I was on a boat one day with friends, and Benny looked down at my finger and asked, “Who gave you that Tiffany ring?“ I replied, “How‘d you know it was a Tiffany ring?” Apparently, he‘d bought his ex the same one. “I got it from an ex,” I said. “Well why the hell do you wear it then? I will swallow it right now if you let me!” I laughed and replied, “It reminds me everyday of who I am worth.” To this he said, “Well, when you find the right one, melt it into a piercing.” I responded, “No, I am going to throw it into the Goddamn ocean!”

So, I had a boyfriend a couple years ago who called it the “I hate men ring” because if I was mad at him I would wear it. In retrospect, that seemed a little bitchy, so now I just wear the thing all the time…literally never take it off. I mean, it’s better to have a constant reminder of the things I don’t want to put up with than a passive aggressive insult to the men I date. That one was actually a really nice guy, just didn’t have his shit together…and sadly, that is one of the things that I need…is for someone to have their shit together.

So, that’s the end of my story. I really don’t care to share more at this time. But to all my ladies, who put up with a lot of shit (well, and men too I guess). Take some time to really think about what you are worth in a relationship. Don’t put up with bullshit, don’t let someone take you for granted, don’t feel bad if you do exactly as you are asked or wished to do and then get flak for it. The person who deserves you will come along. They will allow you to be you, take you for who you are, not buckle under pressure, not care if you pour your heart out, not worry about fear. They will lift you up and not play games, they’ll be your biggest cheerleader on the crappiest of days. They’ll make you want to throw your reminder in the ocean for good, with no regrets. They’ll share their deepest darkest fears with you and relish in learning yours too. Find something that reminds you everyday that you are one Hell of an amazing person, worth everything that all your friends tell you that you are.

And with that, I am going running, because it has just been one of those days…

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