Remembering We’re All Effing Beautiful, Including Me (aka, My Single Summer)

I’d like to preface this post by saying, there’s a good chance some of this will be met with disdain, some of it will sound hypocritical, and a bit of it will make my dad wish he could go ahead and ground me since he never had a chance to while I was growing up. But, I’m okay with that, because, well…if you know me, you know I’ve never had a problem being a shameless ass at times…

A couple months ago, I wrote a post titled We’re All Effing Beautiful. This summer has challenged my thoughts on this concept incessantly…and I really don’t like it. Don’t get me wrong…this is my first true single summer in eleven years, so it‘s been a different perspective for me to experience summer…

1) Through the eyes of a girl who people KNOW is single AND

2) Along with all those other crazy people who are also single (and some, just insanely out of control).

Yes, for 2010, I took KnowGood‘s advice (voluntarily and involuntarily to tell you the truth) and threw down a single girl summer. All in all, it’s been pretty fun despite me questioning what the Hell I’m doing about once every three days. There’s been free entry into clubs, free drinks, free everything along with my girls at Brew Fest after flashing doe eyes and flirting, a handful of fun days on party boats, prancing around with cute boys, way too many late nights, and a legion of other trouble better kept quiet since my father regularly reads this blog.

So, some thoughts:

The Runway Walk: I showed up for a fashion show of a friend’s friend recently, expecting to watch the show. The designer eyed me as I walked into the club, instantly grabbed my arm and dragged me toward a makeshift dressing room while shouting, “I need you for my show!!!” As she tossed dresses at me to try on, referring to me as a model, I mentioned, “Um, I’m not a model by the way,” to which she quickly responded, “No, yes, yes you ARE a model!” I was petrified. I quickly realized that girls in the room who looked like legit models were also petrified, nervous, and questioning if they had the guts to do this. After a shot and a drink to calm my nerves, some professional photos with the rest of the girls, and a walk down a long red carpet runway twice, I realized, “Damn, that was actually really fun.” And the compliments after were pretty great too.

The Boats: This summer included multiple texts from buddies and girlfriends to come out on party boats. The men always request to “bring as many cute girls as you can.” It’s irritating, but, they’re on a mission as much as the rest of us I suppose, and we oblige them. Then you get on the boats and watch the silicone bouncing, the cat fights ensue over ‘shared‘ boyfriends, and girls ditz about as if men think brains aren’t sexy…when most of the men, after their initial boob fixations wear off, tend to gravitate toward the women who can actually carry a conversation. One guy on a boat early in the season actually said, “Wow, you are really sharp,” after I used sarcasm to address something he’d said...perhaps not a typical ’dialect’ for some of the regulars? Not to say that some of the beauties and silicones on the boat aren’t smart, but, I saw many fine ladies act as stupid as they could this summer while boding for male attention. I actually pulled up the bikini bottom on a (literal) stripper whose ass was hanging out and said, “Keep those pulled up,“ to which she giggly replied, “But it’s supposed to look like that, hee hee hee hee,“ and then continued her stripper ‘ass hanging out’ dancing on the bough. Some of the guys mentioned that when I started drinking, I’d talk about the diminishing IQ points on the boat...yea, I had my moments too, but overall, I still like to stick with the idea that a mind is a terrible thing to waste, especially when you pretend you don’t have one for the sake of a boy who won‘t stop staring at your chest. There was a great day a couple weeks ago where there were only five of us girls on a boat with some guy friends…none of us had fake parts and all of us talked in full sentences. It…was…awesome.

The Clubs: I was in the bathroom at Couture about a month ago with two gorgeous girls who were wearing hooker shoes and too tight of dresses who were bitching about everything regarding their bodies. “Do my arms look too muscular in this dress?” “Does my butt look okay?” Multiple self loathing statements, all said with strong disdain. As I walked out of the bathroom, I turned to the girl who wasn’t in the stall and said, “You’re both beautiful, shut the fuck up,” and walked out. That, while maybe not appropriate to say, felt good.

The Sweeter Guys: Tuesday, I was on the boats with a bud, talking to him about the fact I feel I am a little behind the curve for the ‘boat cuteness quota’ at times…I said I’m on the sillier and more conversational side, pretty, but not nearly as gorgeous as some of the other female boat mates. He replied, “No, you’re very beautiful!” So, thanks Rob, because by the end of this summer, I had almost forgotten that. And by the end of that night, two of the other girls were in a screaming cat fight, nearly overboard, so, at least I wasn’t them.

And now, at the end of the summer, I’m still single, feeling like a tornado hit me, liver a little less strong, ego healthily reminded that I’m doing okay, and attitude slightly skewed with assumptions of entitlement. Was it a fun summer? Hell yeah. Do I want next summer to be like this? Maybe half as much. Will I figure out what works for me and not everyone else? God, I hope so.

All in all, I think I just won’t apologize. The past few months have been a good (and occasionally wild) eye opener for me, and excellent evidence that I know what I really want and how I want to be perceived by others...genuine inside and out, silicone free (not that it is always bad), completely okay being intelligent AND pretty, and ready to tone down the reality show lifestyle for next summer.

Season passes for the mountain go on sale September 1st.  And college football starts in less than a week. Those two things alone may carry me through until next summer.  And thanks to everyone who has contributed to my many adventures from May until now…I loved just about every minute of it.