This is the kind of post that may have pissed off my ex-boyfriend. So, don’t read it if you don’t want to delve into my life right now. He always wanted me to erase the majority of this blog, filter what I wrote. Then again, he also tried to make me get rid of my dog Bailey AND my best friend of the opposite sex, so obviously, something wasn’t right there.
This past year has been interesting for me. I think it’s been somewhat of an ‘unfiltered’ year for me. I didn’t have much of a voice before I headed back out here from Ohio, so when I finally figured out that it was mine again, that I didn’t have to walk on eggshells or see a counselor more than twice to figure out that “what was wrong with you was purely situational” (her words), my voice kind of went buck wild…
There‘s a John Mayer song that says, “It‘s better to say too much, then never to say what you need to say again.” So, that’s what I’ve done this year. I’ve gone out on limbs left and right. I’ve pissed people off, including blood relatives, enlightened others. I’ve apologized to some, been stubborn too. Maybe that’s not always a good thing, but I’ve gained a lot from it. Probably lost a little as well, but it’s a learning curve I think, and I’m sure I will stop unloading every opinion and feeling I have about ’everything’ on people sometime soon. But I have to admit, it’s been nice being able to do it, have my opinion be heard, even if I have had to kick myself after the fact at times.
And maybe right here is where I will quit writing, put the filter back on, and shut up instead of getting deeper into it.
Let me add that if you are any of the people who have been here for me this year, just know that I’ve greatly appreciated you. The calls and advice before and after coming back from Ohio, the new friendships that have unfolded and the old ones that have gotten stronger, the relationships I’ve already learned from (good and not so good), the family that is always there on Sundays, and even the comments on Facebook and MySpace. I’ve been told by many that they love me no matter what, and I’ve honestly felt that this year.
Wait, from my soapbox, I’ll say…be grateful for all the good that people in your life do for you…we spend so much time focused on ourselves that it’s hard to remember sometimes that you’re the product of more than your own will…
I for one am still getting raised by my village, absolutely.
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8 comments:
Greetings, by way of Eddie's blog. I liked your comment and made my way over here.
A friend of mine has this on his blog:
"I will not die with the stories untold inside me."
You have a world of stories to tell. Your stories. Your truth.
I hope this finds you well.
I read your blog after reading a comment you left on Sid's page. Keep writing. I like your attention to detail. I have the same problem of kicking myself for things I write or say. It's been going on for about forever, and it's nice to hear I'm not the only one who does it, and says, "oops, deal with it."
so I would say your family is stuck with you but even worse...you are stuck with us and there seem to be more of us all the time. Saw a good bumper sticker yesterday so I will try to adhere to it. It said "be less worthless"....Sunday???
Other comments left at the other place I post this:
1) My Aims said...
I loved this!!! You are wonderful and I am glad that you are realizing it again! I love you dearly!!!!!!
3) Louise said...
Sarah~
You rock! I love your blog and I'm really glad you haven't stopped writing. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's all a part of the journey. (For you finding that right balance of what you want to say, or keep to yourself, what battles you want to fight...) We shouldn't regret stumbling along the journey because that's part of the process, learning from our mistakes and the painful moments.
I love you Sarah and hope to get hang out with you soon.
It's amazing how far away two hours can seem sometimes! =P
3) My hopefully future sister in law one day said...
I love that you actually post on this things. I love you like you are one of my own sisters. You kinda remind me of me. I used to walk on eggshells with scott with not wanting to ever piss him off. And I started doing it with friends, not wanting to make them mad and lose them either...and it was probably only just over a year ago, that i finally got sick of it and started speaking my mind. And scott and I's relationship has become so much better because of it. We both feel we can tell each other things and argue without holding back. And after starting with my friends, I have learned who really were my friends and could take it and love me even more for it and I have learned which ones were just there so i could boost their ego. I definitely kick myself in the butt sometimes, but its part of life. I am really glad that you have grown with this, because I defnitely know it makes you who you are, and I love it. You are definitely so much fun to be around and I feel like I can relate to you a lot. Like my own big sister. And Sundays are definitely one of my favorite days and getting to come together with such an awesome family that is ALWAYS entertaining. No matter what happens during the week. I'm really glad that we have met and are part of the same "family". DONT stop writing cause its fun to read about someone saying things that I am always thinking.
:)
Sorry this was so long. I felt I was due after just reading all the rest.
:D
See you Sunday!!!!
:)
***Soooo, thanks to my lovely girls, my two new visitors, and, I'm guessing "anonymous" was dad...oh, and now I do know because I am talking to him on the phone.
I love the quote sideon found that says "I will not die with the stories untold inside me." Some will like em and some won't right? It's all worth sharing. As Christi said, it's things she thinks about all the time.
How cool that your father commented here. I'm not there with my family. Only my sister knows about my blog. Good luck in doing whatever you want to do and saying whatever you want to say.
Thanks People in the Sun. I am filtered at times, but I really think that people don't say what they want to say enough. And it's funny about my dad reading this...I gave him the website address as soon as I started it, and I think it helped us get to know one another, since we have only been reunited about five years now. He's a great dad... belated in my life, but still great.
Another comment at the other spot:
Megan said...
Sarah, I love telling my friends and family about my way cool co-worker who took 5 years going to college, went to CCC and OSU and loves the Beavs...just like me. :) I just think you are WAY cool, I love your positive outlook on life, and you are an enormous inspiration to me! "Full of life" is a great description for you, and "full of life" is what I strive to be. I didn't know you before you left Ohio, and I only knew you for a little bit before you broke up with that ex-boyfriend, so it's hard for me to comment on any changes, but I think who you are is fabulous.
Just thought I'd throw that out there.
See ya Tuesday!
Back up blogging. I'll read yours if you read mine.
-Marcus
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