Enjoy this post, because it will be the ONLY post on relationships for many months to come. I've been on such a roll avoiding the topic, but figured it's worth it to just lay it out for now. So, here you go...
On men...which I rarely mention, but here you go...I have a lot of female friends, but many of my best friends are male too. I may have even dated them at some point in my life. Never make me 'break up' with any of them if you want to date me, and we're good. I'm at a wimpout stage in my life too and pretty content just getting to know men as friends first, so if you have any interest in me whatsoever, you'll probably have to make it loud and clear. Such a copout, but I just don't feel any rush to stress about it right now.
So, I just left this description on my Facebook. Not that anyone other than friends can see it because it's set to private, but I am wondering if I will erase it eventually. For now, it makes me laugh.
I really don't write about relationships anymore. Justin gets mentioned from time to time in a 'let that be a lesson to me to never do that again' way, but maybe that's not even fair to him to dig up 'our' old dirt anymore. Truth be told, the relationship had it's good times between all the shit...okay, but there was a lot of shit and it really wasn't healthy to be in it, at all. I just wasn't much of a Barbie doll, and if you know me, it'll just never be. Sure, I get called 'beautiful' at times, but I know that despite being a size 2-4, I'm taller than the average girl, louder than many, and extremely unafraid to voice my opinion...it's all stuff I don't want to change though, ever.
I'm also a low to high maintenance girl...I love to get dirty and throw myself into projects and activities, but I also love my hair straightener, dresses and makeup collection. It's a tough sell sometimes. As one of my best friends said one night when we were having another 'should we ever date' moment..."Sarah, you need a construction worker, someone who is big." I replied that I value brains more than braun. Though, I can't lie...I like the stockier, arms wrapped around you guys...as I used to say...the ones who can pick me up and spin me around with no problem.
Oh, and on this best friend, the conclusion for he and I was decidedly no. If you know 'us,' we make amazing friends to the point of confusing and annoying people as to what the hell we 'get' and no one else does...it's good to know we have what we have and that no one can mess with that...come hell or high water, no one has ever been able to bust us up...maybe because we share the same brain at times. I love it. I love him. Just not in that way, so stand down.
Okay, back to it...I think some of what I wrote above in italics is probably a result of some bullshit thinking. The past couple of years threw me some curveballs I wasn't expecting when it came to relationships and I'm sure I've felt a bit disenchanted and apathetic at times. Hey, people warned me to not tread in the water I decided to wade through, but it's easy to get caught up in a love story...we all have the blinders on at times.
Regardless, while I know that two months ago, I was stressing about present and past relationships all the time, I absolutely see that I am at a point where I'm just not now. No, I haven't shut the book on love...I have crushes and flitters for a certain guy right now and I still wonder about potential with others who are friends or in my past. It's just that, I'm not in any desperate situation where I need to figure it out. As was recently passed back and forth between myself and someone I grew entirely impatient with (maybe I shouldn't have, but that story won't get out, sorry)..."if it's right, we have all the time in the world to figure it out." Maybe the statement stopped adding up for he and I at the time, but it is good for where I am today, with anyone really.
So, where else did it come from? This past summer, I just finally realized that I spent a shitload of the past year focusing on my relationships with everyone...and by that, I mean EVERYONE...men, family, friends. It was finally clear to me that I needed to focus on myself for a while. I have a few to thank for this, but I'll thank them to their faces instead of right here if you don't mind.
So, friends and family...I promise I will get married one day and have some cute little kids to run around and play with all your cute kids...one day, I swear.
Songs...Only You by Joshua Radin and Unsaid by The Fray. Night.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Realtor Made My Bed Yesterday...
I usually don't post twice in one week, or more than once every two or three weeks for that matter...but, I am waiting twenty more minutes to go and trample some bleachers down at the school and felt like writing.
My roomie is selling our house. This does not excite me at all because I love my house and my roomies, but, it must be done. The upside to this is that if I forget to make my bed, the realtor comes in and makes it for me...and I really like how she arranges my pillows. The downside is that in the meantime (which could apparently be six to nine months because of the terrible housing market) our house kind of reminds me of the demo they lived in on Arrested Development...everything is perfectly in place, we have roses on our counter, those blue shoe covers at our door, a canister of tootsie rolls, and a schedule for open houses on the weekend that includes 'baking cookies'...hmm, maybe That Guy and Other That Guy will come over and help. We also have to 'hide out' on occasion if people come to look at the house. That said, I'll probably start looking for a new place to live sometime in early 2009...in the Portland area.
I decided to quit caffeine this week, and failed today. And no, it is NOT because I have a lot of Mormon family members (they almost all drink caffeine in my family and my extended family by the way). The reason I quit is that I only drink diet soda and have heard that stuff is horrible for you, so I figured that I'd just quit and dump caffeine too. Well, my friend Robin, who has analyzed me in her therapist ways the majority of our eighteen year friendship and is convinced I have ADD, has said before that caffeine actually helps me to focus. After four days without it and one huge Venti Green Tea Latte today, I figured out she is right...I feel a lot more on track again. So, I'm back in caffeine land, plus the green tea, minus the diet soda chemicals.
On that note, I apologize to anyone who spent any amount of time with me since Friday afternoon...I probably talked a million sentences a minute, fidgeted like mad, and ignored everything you said to me.
So, lastly, I will just mention that I missed my 'dad' this week. Well, I missed both my dads, but by this dad, I mean Robin's dad Steve. It seems to be a recurring thing for me still, but it was his birthday last week, OSU football season is in full swing, and we've been playing Tom Petty at work a lot. I know I mention it a lot, but I am not sure where I would have ended up without him.
Okay, so real dad, as I mentioned, I miss you too and I promise to come to dinner next Sunday (yes, my dad is a devoted reader of my blog). I love you a ton and am still so glad that we get all this time together. I can't imagine what life would be like without you and the crew now.
That's all for now. Songs to listen to: Blazing Arrow by Blackalicious, Live Your Life by TI and Rihanna...yes, TI and Rihanna...stop makng fun of me.
My roomie is selling our house. This does not excite me at all because I love my house and my roomies, but, it must be done. The upside to this is that if I forget to make my bed, the realtor comes in and makes it for me...and I really like how she arranges my pillows. The downside is that in the meantime (which could apparently be six to nine months because of the terrible housing market) our house kind of reminds me of the demo they lived in on Arrested Development...everything is perfectly in place, we have roses on our counter, those blue shoe covers at our door, a canister of tootsie rolls, and a schedule for open houses on the weekend that includes 'baking cookies'...hmm, maybe That Guy and Other That Guy will come over and help. We also have to 'hide out' on occasion if people come to look at the house. That said, I'll probably start looking for a new place to live sometime in early 2009...in the Portland area.
I decided to quit caffeine this week, and failed today. And no, it is NOT because I have a lot of Mormon family members (they almost all drink caffeine in my family and my extended family by the way). The reason I quit is that I only drink diet soda and have heard that stuff is horrible for you, so I figured that I'd just quit and dump caffeine too. Well, my friend Robin, who has analyzed me in her therapist ways the majority of our eighteen year friendship and is convinced I have ADD, has said before that caffeine actually helps me to focus. After four days without it and one huge Venti Green Tea Latte today, I figured out she is right...I feel a lot more on track again. So, I'm back in caffeine land, plus the green tea, minus the diet soda chemicals.
On that note, I apologize to anyone who spent any amount of time with me since Friday afternoon...I probably talked a million sentences a minute, fidgeted like mad, and ignored everything you said to me.
So, lastly, I will just mention that I missed my 'dad' this week. Well, I missed both my dads, but by this dad, I mean Robin's dad Steve. It seems to be a recurring thing for me still, but it was his birthday last week, OSU football season is in full swing, and we've been playing Tom Petty at work a lot. I know I mention it a lot, but I am not sure where I would have ended up without him.
Okay, so real dad, as I mentioned, I miss you too and I promise to come to dinner next Sunday (yes, my dad is a devoted reader of my blog). I love you a ton and am still so glad that we get all this time together. I can't imagine what life would be like without you and the crew now.
That's all for now. Songs to listen to: Blazing Arrow by Blackalicious, Live Your Life by TI and Rihanna...yes, TI and Rihanna...stop makng fun of me.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Princess 'Hater' Sarah's Thoughts
I haven't posted much randomness lately, but I am taking a 'sanity day' off from work tomorrow and have a little time on my hands. So, here are some of my most recent thoughts, in no particular order...
Sarah Palin: My name (that'd be Sarah...come on, stick with me) meant 'princess' until this chick came along and ruined it. You know, I wouldn't have a problem with her if she wasn't such a hater. Yes, I used the word 'hater' to describe Sarah Palin...she just DIGS for dirt and slams...so not princess like. And, I hate her mouth, and her guns. Please change your name Mrs. Governor Who Thinks She Is Sooooo Above Community Organizers. Moving on....
The Soup: I watch about an hour of TV per week (unless it's Saturday in the fall, like now...I will watch HOURS of college football games, who cares which team...not sure where this obsession came from, but I love college football and have for years). Alright, back to my point...I don't need to watch more than an hour because The Soup captures all of what's on and makes fun of it. They've recently added Spaghetti Cat and I actually laugh out loud, alone, on my couch when they show him.
Ohhh Esss Yooo: Nothing beats watching college football on TV like actually being at the game. And, I finally made my way down to see my Beavers play on Saturday. When your tailgater cook brings a deep fryer, BBQ, and caters to your every food desire, you know you're in for a good day. And when your team wins and you are surrounded by a bunch of people you adore, it's golden. Needless to say, we had a blast.
The Doug Fir: If you ever get a chance to see a show here, go. Last night, I had the opportunity to see Federico Aubele there, and a few weeks back saw Rogue Wave. The acoustics are fantastic and you're no more than twenty feet from the stage because it's tiny (and non-smoking, thanks).
That Guy: In August, I put up an entire post on That Guy. Well, my buddy Ryan read it and then decided he just couldn't be friends with such an idiot and quit returning TG's phone calls and won't hang out with him. Ha, I love it. So, I never have to see TG again. Sadly, that will mean no more stories about him, but I can live with that.
People in the Sun: Another plug for someone far away who I have never met, but started reading a long time ago. This is a genius writer! He perfectly captured my feelings about the Republican Convention is this amazing piece. If you want to look at how we should remember parts of the past, read this one on 9/11. And if you want to know what a marriage should look like, read this one about his wife of eleven years. I'm telling ya, if he writes a book, I will be first in line to buy it. Sorry People in the Sun, I have to keep dropping the hints to write a book.
Work: Has suddenly turned into a weekly inferno of kids blowing out and running away (hence the 'sanity day' off tomorrow). And, since their info is incredibly confidential, that's about all I can say...other than...quit bitching about your own life until you've walked AN INCH in the shoes of my kids...their resilience amazes me everyday. Pray for them if you like, think about them...do whatever you think is appropriate. Just don't judge them or assume that they can't change the cycles of their past and what's been dealt to them. They can. We can. I did. Many of them will too. I truly like this job, and I am glad I landed in it, even if I get exhausted from time to time. It's what I am meant to do.
Songs to Listen To: Mona Lisa by Guster, Pass Me Over by Anthony Hamilton, Never Gonna Come Back Down by BT and M Doughty, and anything on Matt Nathanson's or Amos Lee's new CDs. Matt Nathanson will probably bore most of you to death, but I like it. Big Head Todd is kind of captivating me lately too. Oh, if anyone knows of this song that sounds like Kanye West and Mat Kearney singing together, get back to me and tell me who it is and what it is called. I want it.
Alright, that's enough ADD for now, thanks for reading.
Sarah Palin: My name (that'd be Sarah...come on, stick with me) meant 'princess' until this chick came along and ruined it. You know, I wouldn't have a problem with her if she wasn't such a hater. Yes, I used the word 'hater' to describe Sarah Palin...she just DIGS for dirt and slams...so not princess like. And, I hate her mouth, and her guns. Please change your name Mrs. Governor Who Thinks She Is Sooooo Above Community Organizers. Moving on....
The Soup: I watch about an hour of TV per week (unless it's Saturday in the fall, like now...I will watch HOURS of college football games, who cares which team...not sure where this obsession came from, but I love college football and have for years). Alright, back to my point...I don't need to watch more than an hour because The Soup captures all of what's on and makes fun of it. They've recently added Spaghetti Cat and I actually laugh out loud, alone, on my couch when they show him.
Ohhh Esss Yooo: Nothing beats watching college football on TV like actually being at the game. And, I finally made my way down to see my Beavers play on Saturday. When your tailgater cook brings a deep fryer, BBQ, and caters to your every food desire, you know you're in for a good day. And when your team wins and you are surrounded by a bunch of people you adore, it's golden. Needless to say, we had a blast.
The Doug Fir: If you ever get a chance to see a show here, go. Last night, I had the opportunity to see Federico Aubele there, and a few weeks back saw Rogue Wave. The acoustics are fantastic and you're no more than twenty feet from the stage because it's tiny (and non-smoking, thanks).
That Guy: In August, I put up an entire post on That Guy. Well, my buddy Ryan read it and then decided he just couldn't be friends with such an idiot and quit returning TG's phone calls and won't hang out with him. Ha, I love it. So, I never have to see TG again. Sadly, that will mean no more stories about him, but I can live with that.
People in the Sun: Another plug for someone far away who I have never met, but started reading a long time ago. This is a genius writer! He perfectly captured my feelings about the Republican Convention is this amazing piece. If you want to look at how we should remember parts of the past, read this one on 9/11. And if you want to know what a marriage should look like, read this one about his wife of eleven years. I'm telling ya, if he writes a book, I will be first in line to buy it. Sorry People in the Sun, I have to keep dropping the hints to write a book.
Work: Has suddenly turned into a weekly inferno of kids blowing out and running away (hence the 'sanity day' off tomorrow). And, since their info is incredibly confidential, that's about all I can say...other than...quit bitching about your own life until you've walked AN INCH in the shoes of my kids...their resilience amazes me everyday. Pray for them if you like, think about them...do whatever you think is appropriate. Just don't judge them or assume that they can't change the cycles of their past and what's been dealt to them. They can. We can. I did. Many of them will too. I truly like this job, and I am glad I landed in it, even if I get exhausted from time to time. It's what I am meant to do.
Songs to Listen To: Mona Lisa by Guster, Pass Me Over by Anthony Hamilton, Never Gonna Come Back Down by BT and M Doughty, and anything on Matt Nathanson's or Amos Lee's new CDs. Matt Nathanson will probably bore most of you to death, but I like it. Big Head Todd is kind of captivating me lately too. Oh, if anyone knows of this song that sounds like Kanye West and Mat Kearney singing together, get back to me and tell me who it is and what it is called. I want it.
Alright, that's enough ADD for now, thanks for reading.
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