If I Die Before 111...

Well, I'm not dying. Sure, the Civil War loss over the weekend had me barely clinging onto life, but I survived.

A couple weeks ago at Sunday family dinner, we got to talking about what we want to happen to us when we die. I know, what a cheery conversation for a Sunday evening with the family. But, we decided, it is all pretty important stuff to have arranged if life takes a turn for the Heavens. While I am STILL convinced I will live to be 111 (the numbers represent my birthday...figured it's a good age, with me hitting an expiration around 2089), here are some things I'd like to ensure happen if...well, let's just not finish that sentence...

1) Donate my organs if you can...just not my whole body. Something about that just doesn't sit well with me. I'll let you know if I change my mind and want to give the whole thing...because then #2 won't apply anymore.

2) Don't bury me. I like being loud and think that putting me in the ground would be a disservice to my yelling on the wind in my afterlife. Cremate me, but don't make anyone responsible for trudging around with my ashes in an urn...throw them all over some pretty places instead, and maybe some off a bridge in Portland. Okay, if you want, you can melt some of my ashes into a Christmas ornament, plate, or something. Yeah, I am thinking 'WTF!?' too.

3) While cremating me will literally make me dust in the wind, DO NOT play Dust in the Wind at my memorial service. Some suggestions at this time would be Shiny Happy People by REM just to annoy the hell out of everyone and remind them of the fact that has been my theme song most of my life, Rainbow by G-Love and Jack Johnson, God Only Knows by the Beach Boys, and Happy Phantom by Tori Amos...because dammit, that's what I will be. I am partial to anything else that people want to play...but remember...if Dust in the Wind plays, I will haunt you all for the rest of your lives.

4) Remember I plan to die OLD, after a few cute kids and (preferably) one husband. In that case, they'd get all my stuff. If I leave early though, split all my stuff between my family and close friends, and then donate all my clothes and shoes to shelters for teenagers and women.

5) Donate to a cause you're passionate about instead of sending flowers. Then send my family a note about the awesome cause you decided to give money to. If I have kids, you can donate to their college fund, because college is going to cost a ton by the time I actually have kids and get them to college age.

6) If Bailey outlives me, make sure he goes somewhere where he can continue to be an indoor dog...he is a sensitive boy and just isn't a yard mutt. My dog also needs eighteen squeaky toys at all times, one treat on top of every meal, and to have a bed on the floor in your bedroom. He would probably like to add to this list, but for now, what I write is plenty.

7) Have a party, with a blue kool-aid fountain for Robin. Wear colors, laugh a lot, tell stories, and have a slide show, because, if anyone has noticed, I like pictures and slide shows quite a bit...I mean, you can have like four slideshows going...one for each wall.

8) This one sounds harsh, but make sure my dad, step-mom, siblings, and close friends oversee everything. If you've noticed the parent left out of this, thank you for not making me expand any further.

9) Be sad, but remember I have some good people waiting for me where ever I go. And you'll have a million pictures of me left to look at...ooh, lucky you.

10) Mostly, remember I have 81 years left to live if everything goes my way. Which, judging by the course of my life, things tend to be good almost all the time. And happy, healthy, skinny people live longer, so I should be okay.

Songs of the moment, but not to play when I die:

1) Amsterdam by Coldplay (really, this one is already depressing enough)
2) X-Ray Eyes and Scars and Stiches by Guster
3) Fall Into Me by Emerson Drive (I had a country moment this week)
4) Clockwork by Blackalicious

And a PS...two of my very close girlfriends are having babies in February and March and I think it is okay to publicly congratulate them now...so, congrats to Robin for a yet to be named baby boy around Valentine's Day and Gwyn for a lovely Violet arriving at the start of March. Both of you look SO beautiful pregnant, and I can't wait to have the new little bitties in our lives.