25 things you may or may not care about regarding me...

I got tagged somewhere else to write up 25 facts about me. What better excuse to publish it into my blog so I can remember these 25 facts for years to come. Anyway, for those who are wondering, or not...

1. I will probably never move out of the Pacific Northwest again.
2. I LOVE playing board games with my family and extended family and would rather do that than go out and party. Maybe I’m getting old.
3. I have never been in a tanning bed, and plan to never be in one.
4. I really hate when people have “Well behaved women rarely make history” as their tagline on their social networking pages. It always seems to be attached to some bimbo who has pictures of herself in seductive poses or taking shots and beer bongs…I’d much rather be well behaved than portray myself like that.
5. That said, I did teach younger ‘kids’ in the fraternity I lived in for a summer how to shotgun beers. Oh, what a proud moment to admit that.
6. I want a picture with me and all six of my siblings together, and assume that it may happen when I finally get married.
7. When people call me to ‘catch up’ and then hang up without ever asking me how I am doing, it drives me insane.
8. I have a juice box every morning on the way to work, and have for well over a year now…100% juice of course.
9. I have wanted twin boys since I was a little kid, and still do. I (scare the men away) know what I would name them too, though, when I was little, I was going to name them after the twin lead singers from Nelson…not so much anymore.
10. Even though I really like camping, I have discovered that I am much more into staying in hotels with showers…I hate to admit this.
11. Eleven is my most favorite number.
12. I don’t spend as much time with my dog as I should, and I feel genuinely guilty in the morning when he plays the pity party and cowers to the ground as I walk out the door.
13. Guns still pretty much terrify me.
14. I cried the first time I saw my niece Taylor. She was, and still is, so beautiful.
15. I wanted to be a roadie for a hard rock band when I was in middle school
16. I still think George W. Bush is a criminal.
17. I almost always play country music when I am driving in the country.
18. I have a celeb crush on Joel McHale from The Soup. I have no idea why.
19. Soda of any kind, diet or regular, is virtually out of my diet this year.
20. I prefer living with males to females and am kind of sad that one day, I will probably have to move out and not live with Will and Gary anymore.
21. I really like wearing dresses and am not sure why I don’t wear them more often.
22. I have a Hallmark Christmas ornament for every year of my life, BUT forgot to buy it this year, and it is one in a collector’s line…crap!
23. Sitting in court for nine hours with family and extended family on Tuesday was interestingly enjoyable.
24. I really do only watch The Office and The Soup this year…
25. I probably make up for all that other time screwing around on Facebook though.

Assault By A Short Mercedes Posse

My friend got hit by a car on Friday night while I was with her. Wait, wait, wait, before you get all nervous, let me tell the story of the little monsters who did this...

On Friday after decorating Gwyn's house for her baby shower, Natasha and I decided we were starving...STARVING! So, we swung back by her condos to pick up our friend Edee. They live downtown close to Henry's, so we decided to find a parking spot in between there and their condos. Parking in downtown Portland is always a major competition on the weekends, and this is where the fun begins.

Natasha eyed a spot from across the street and shouted out for me to snag it. We crossed through the intersection and I nosed in across traffic to get it. Up speeds a Mercedes, clearly ready to push us out of the spot that is rightfully ours now. "Wait, I'll get out and stand in the spot," Natasha said as she got out of the car. She went to the back corner of the spot and stood there so I could back in. I'm looking in my rear view mirror, when all of a sudden, I see Natasha pushed toward me. What the hell, did they just hit her?! The car then sped off.

We secure the spot, and Natasha comes back to the passenger door. "Did they just hit you!?" I yell. "Yeah, they ran into me!" she shouts. They decided to nudge her with their car, and then kept the gas on, pushing her forward. Who does that?!

So, we go into Henry's to eat. Our time there goes well, other than random pickup lines from men...did you know that the new pickup line in a bar is apparently, "Excuse me, what is that you're drinking?" Really, really, lame, especially when you're drinking virgin mojitos, Hef, and water...this conversation can only go so far men, especially when it's girl's night and we have no interest in talking to you anyway.

So, we pay the tab, and we're about to leave when three short little guys come up to us and say, "Oh, there you are...NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! Never steal someone else's parking spot!" "What," we reply. "We had the spot," Natasha says to them. "No, no, that was our spot, we talked to the guy and everything." "How were we supposed to know that?" Natasha asks. "Well, just don't steal people's spots again, you could get shot, or your car could get keyed." "Whatever, we had the spot," we say. "We needed the closer spot because we're girls and we shouldn't have to walk as far in the dark," I tell them. They don't think it's funny. "We are leaving, so you can have our seats if you want," Edee offers up. "Oh, you girls are so rude," they say. "What? We are offering you our spots!" "Whatever guys, who hits someone with their car," I yell.

Their reply to Natasha..."I should sue you for $800 for denting my bumper!" (And yes, he IS talking about the bumper he hit her with!)

Are you kidding me?! I wish we would have gotten their plate number so Natasha could press charges (though, luckily, she's completely fine). We leave, flipping them off a little bit, telling them they are stupid. I wanted to remind them that what they did could be a felony, a big crime...but these idiots are remorseless, and don't seem to understand why hitting someone with your car is not okay in America. We walk back and do a once over on my car...no keyed marks, dents, or concerning issues...other than that these guys are likely to strike again with their Mercedes...

I guess that's just what you do when your whole posse is shorter than 5'6" tall.

Far From the End of This Book...

Sunday night was my family birthday party. We waited an extra week to celebrate because my stepmom was in Orlando for my real birthday and she really wanted to be there too...she has a thing about not missing our birthdays.

After dinner, my dad started talking about one of the presents he brought for me. He said he picked out the book I used to make him read to me every night before bed when I was little. He scurried off to the kitchen and came back with the little board book of "The Monster at the end of this Book." (Click on the link for a tragic story about Grover from The Onion). The instant he handed it to me, I remembered how much I loved that book as a kid. He said that my sister would get mad because every night, we each got to pick a book, and she would choose different ones, but I would always get this one. Then, he put on his best Grover voice and told me, "And I used to read it to you with this voice, and as you turned every page you would laugh and laugh."

I like when my dad tells me these stories about my young days with him, and I thought it was cute that he found a book I adored to give to me as a present. Most everyone who reads my postings knows our history of being apart, but every day I have with everyone in my family makes me thankful that I get another 80 or so years to make up for lost time with them.

And on separate notes...ever since I bought an iPhone, driving and texting has kind of gone the wayside. I know I used to be the texting monster, but texting on an iPhone while driving seems to be the best chance I have at committing involuntary manslaughter at a young age...so if I don't reply, go old fashioned and ring me up.

I am thinking about putting in for a transfer up to the Portland area for work. It appears I will get to stay in my current house for quite a long time, so it seems logical to stop commuting ten hours per week and spend that time with friends, family, and Bailey the loveable 91 pound mutt instead. I'm still on the fence, but I'm pretty exhausted too, so transferring will probably ring victorious.

Oh, I really miss Mexico too. I figured out that I really do like Mexican food...as long as it is actually made in Mexico. I can't get Fajita Republic, Quixote's, or shrimp out of my head. Well, that and the 80 degree sun filled days. Where do I want to go next winter?

I have no songs of the moment right now. The Office can be my show of the moment instead...mostly because I forgot to start watching all the other shows I used to watch last year again this year, so The Office is the only one that I have picked up again...

"Learn your rules, you better learn your rules. And if you don't, you'll be eaten in your sleep. Chomp."

Two Stories About Lilac Dresses

There's two stories about the dresses, both worth hearing. I liked Amanda's telling of the first one the best, but since she's not here at the moment, I will try to dictate from her voice for the first story...

Story One: "So, Sarah, Kyla, and I were supposed to be in a wedding on Saturday. The bride picked out three dresses, but they were BORING, I mean, plain with no embellishments, too long, just dull! So, we decided to alter them and add all these pretty ribbons and bows and tulle. Well, we arrived for the wedding and the bride got so mad, she kicked us out of the wedding! Can you believe it!? Keep in mind that Sarah was going to miss part of her birthday party to be in this stupid wedding, and the bride was so ungrateful! So, we decided to come out to the party in our dresses since we didn't get to wear them in the wedding."

The girls told Story One all night to random people in the bar and were gifted with free drinks, begged for pictures, and heard multiple, "Oh, that bride is so stupid, you guys look beauuuutiful!" Drunk people were especially compassionate to the woes of the jilted bridemaids. It cracked me up...well, kind of cracked me up because mine was on so tight around my rib cage that I could hardly breathe. But Story Two makes me laugh too just because these girls take their themed outfits so seriously...

Story Two: Kyla and Amanda dress up for everything...denim jumpsuits for a Sir Mix A Lot concert, blue eyeshadow for a night out on the town, coordinating business suits from Goodwill for a day at the office, animal prints for their bookclub...we're always wondering what they will come up with next. So, when they announced to me that they needed to dress me up as a pretty pretty princess for my birthday party, I was a little scared. But, I agreed. The days leading up are filled with shrieky phone calls and texts about what we will be wearing. It's decided that we want to look "pretty pretty" instead of "trashy pretty"...if there is such a thing. So, Thursday I head over to their office to try on the first dress...it's a teeny little kids dress in the lovely shade of lilac we ended up wearing. "You guys, I'm not THAT small," I shriek. Well, any good crafty girls have measuring tape in their social service office, so they pull it out and measure me up. "Okay, come back tomorrow, we will be ready."

Well, 'tomorrow' turns into a packed day with a child on meth by my side all day, not my idea of fun, but work is going to have to take precedence. So, no fitting. Then Saturday is too chaotic to make the 'fitting' as well. "Just bring the dress to the party and we will wing it" I text Kyla on the way back up to Portland.

Welcome to 8:30 pm. Guests are arriving for the party, and Amanda's husband Nathan comes in and waves me over. "Hey, the girls are outside waiting for you." "Oh crap, really. Can they change and come in til more guests arrive." "Oh, no, they are in their dresses and didn't bring any back ups." "Oh, well, I guess I better get out there then." As we walk out, Nathan explains his last 24 hours of sewing bows on our dresses and getting to be the model for my dress. "They made me put it on, but I made them fix the torso because I knew they were making it too short for you." He clearly is used to his wife's sewing escapades. We arrive to the car, and Amanda and Kyla are giggling on the sidewalk with a big bag labeled 'Goodwill' on it. They see me and yell, "Take off your clothes!" "Here?!" We're on a residential sidewalk. "Strip!" Off come the clothes and they cram me into the dress. As they are getting me into the dress, they explain that they drove all the way to Corvallis to find this little number and sewed bows on it on the way back up. It barely fits around my ribs, but they fight the zipper like this is the biggest battle they're about to win. The zipper goes up, the air leaves my body...they tear the Goodwill tag off with one swift pull, and we head in to have some fun in our lovely lilac dresses.

So, the dresses were a great addition to my 31st birthday, even if people were wondering why in the world we were in fluffy lilac gowns with fur and bow embellishments (the wedding of course!). I have moments of boldness, but this one actually made me really nervous before doing it, so I am glad these girls literally stripped me on the sidewalk and made me wear my dress...which has since been best described by this quote... "Good lord - there's enough flounce in there to power at least two seasons of Sex in the City!"

Thanks again girls. And thanks to everyone else too for making 31 a memorable birthday weekend.

A Collection of Quotes, Mostly From 2008

Quotes I like that I am dumping off my Facebook because it's a new year and it's getting to be too many...so here they are:

"Once you're connected with someone, time and space become irrelevant." ~sideon...I have never met this guy, but it sums up how I think about everyone.

"The most violent element in society is ignorance." ~Emma Goldman...on a bumper sticker on a hippie car of course...love it.

Wes: "What are you doing?"
Me: "Sitting in the sun."
Wes: "I knew it!" ~Wes and I, 2006...I like to rub this one in every year.

"We can't change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." ~Randy Pausch...I hate pancreatic cancer, and losing great people like this guy.

"Women are crazy. Men are assholes." ~David Gonzales...thanks for the accurate analysis.

"Prove it!" ~Kirack...and occasionally I do, though I prefer 'do nothing' days if the sun is not out.

"If I never give up, I will eventually succeed." ~a child welfare caseworker...the video surrounding this quote made me cry...I guess I do really love my job, most days.

"Sarah, you make Pollyanna look like a pessimist!" ~Megan Vandecoevering...thanks Megan, I liked that one.

"I want a pet penguin and a doggie door on the fridge so he can go upstairs and go to sleep." ~Jonathan Albright...always random.

"It just creeps me out that he has cats!" ~Jessica Anderson...What?! What about the fact that he had no sense of smell, almost no furnitiure in his house, and showed up unannounced at a bar I was at because he was in the neighborhood "seeing a play"...really?! But yes, this all affirmed I will never be a cat person if the other half doesn't know how to clean up after his cats.

"You two live in your own little autistic world that no one will ever understand." ~Kimmie Harding...I know, I know. Thanks for reminding me of the last ten years of my life with one of my favorite BFF's. And yes, I just used the term BFF.

"If I had opposable thumbs, I'd choke you!" ~Courtney Mattson regarding what a cat thinks when its owners dress it up in a costume.

"You're writing with the wrong hand." ~a gas station attendant in Oakley, Utah...don't try to be left handed in the sticks...this is old, like 2004

"Does anyone want to go down to the natural gas leak and smoke with me?" ~Amber Smith...maybe this was a particularly hard day at work?!

"Dad, how about telling a joke from this century!" ~Kyle Hadenfeld...our dad tells some real winners, but I usually laugh because my jokes are generally just as bad.

Happy belated new year.