Assault By A Short Mercedes Posse

My friend got hit by a car on Friday night while I was with her. Wait, wait, wait, before you get all nervous, let me tell the story of the little monsters who did this...

On Friday after decorating Gwyn's house for her baby shower, Natasha and I decided we were starving...STARVING! So, we swung back by her condos to pick up our friend Edee. They live downtown close to Henry's, so we decided to find a parking spot in between there and their condos. Parking in downtown Portland is always a major competition on the weekends, and this is where the fun begins.

Natasha eyed a spot from across the street and shouted out for me to snag it. We crossed through the intersection and I nosed in across traffic to get it. Up speeds a Mercedes, clearly ready to push us out of the spot that is rightfully ours now. "Wait, I'll get out and stand in the spot," Natasha said as she got out of the car. She went to the back corner of the spot and stood there so I could back in. I'm looking in my rear view mirror, when all of a sudden, I see Natasha pushed toward me. What the hell, did they just hit her?! The car then sped off.

We secure the spot, and Natasha comes back to the passenger door. "Did they just hit you!?" I yell. "Yeah, they ran into me!" she shouts. They decided to nudge her with their car, and then kept the gas on, pushing her forward. Who does that?!

So, we go into Henry's to eat. Our time there goes well, other than random pickup lines from men...did you know that the new pickup line in a bar is apparently, "Excuse me, what is that you're drinking?" Really, really, lame, especially when you're drinking virgin mojitos, Hef, and water...this conversation can only go so far men, especially when it's girl's night and we have no interest in talking to you anyway.

So, we pay the tab, and we're about to leave when three short little guys come up to us and say, "Oh, there you are...NEVER DO THAT AGAIN! Never steal someone else's parking spot!" "What," we reply. "We had the spot," Natasha says to them. "No, no, that was our spot, we talked to the guy and everything." "How were we supposed to know that?" Natasha asks. "Well, just don't steal people's spots again, you could get shot, or your car could get keyed." "Whatever, we had the spot," we say. "We needed the closer spot because we're girls and we shouldn't have to walk as far in the dark," I tell them. They don't think it's funny. "We are leaving, so you can have our seats if you want," Edee offers up. "Oh, you girls are so rude," they say. "What? We are offering you our spots!" "Whatever guys, who hits someone with their car," I yell.

Their reply to Natasha..."I should sue you for $800 for denting my bumper!" (And yes, he IS talking about the bumper he hit her with!)

Are you kidding me?! I wish we would have gotten their plate number so Natasha could press charges (though, luckily, she's completely fine). We leave, flipping them off a little bit, telling them they are stupid. I wanted to remind them that what they did could be a felony, a big crime...but these idiots are remorseless, and don't seem to understand why hitting someone with your car is not okay in America. We walk back and do a once over on my car...no keyed marks, dents, or concerning issues...other than that these guys are likely to strike again with their Mercedes...

I guess that's just what you do when your whole posse is shorter than 5'6" tall.