Max Crawling

I had my first Portland Max pub crawl experience on Friday night. In addition to celebrating a 30th birthday, the intention of this adventure is to hit a ton of bars along the Max line while maintaining the responsibility to not drink and drive. After one hellish 2.5 hour commute home (for 40 measly miles), I felt that I was quite deserving of an irresponsible night in the hands of another driver...so Jess, Bill, and I headed out. Here's as much as I can accurately report about what my $3.85 all night Max fare got me:

The Max Ride: We got on the Max in Beaverton. My roomies were still buying tickets when the doors closed, kidnapping me. I couldn't come up with this on my own, but upon calling Jessica on her cell, she suggested that I get off at the next Max stop and wait for them to pick me up on the next train. Wow, how did I miss that idea?

Destination #1...The White Eagle: Our first stop in North Portland, where the night began and we met everyone in our crew. One guy looked oddly familiar, and I pegged him as a classmate from the eigth grade and even remembered his name. Jess and I got our first drinks, but no food, and I caught up with the classmate and learned that a total of four girls named Sarah were rolling in our crew for the night. What, is my name really that common?

Destination #2...The Alibi: Fifteen of us jumped on the Max and headed even further north with the intention of landing at The Alibi. We passed it, and had to back pedal on our feet a few blocks. This is the point where I realized that open toed, kitten heeled Steve Maddens are not a good idea for a rainy night pub crawl. Ah well, they're cute.

At The Alibi, we finally ate, got more drinks, got lei'd (it's a Hawaiian themed place), and enjoyed some horrendous karaoke (I mean, this is so not Pete Lee). A girl not named Sarah in our group tipped half a beer into my lap and then brought me soda water to get it out, but not another beer to replace the one she spilled...what is wrong with her? Eventually, a guy bought me one instead and scolded the girl. Later, I used the men's room while a guy in our crew manned the door because the girl's room was just too packed. While I was in the stall, he drunkenly let a guy in to use the urinal claiming, "Hey, it's okay, it's a hot girl in there, you're fine." Never trust a drunk guy to guard the door for you.

Destination #3...Georges: While heading here on the Max, all of us scream Happy Birthday to the newly minted 30 year old. We are clearly a group of inebriated and loud idiots at this point, and everyone looked at us a little crazy. I managed to 'surf' the Max in my cute shoes without holding any rails...I must not have been too bad yet.

At Georges, a quarter of the crew drops off, and those of us who are left have some great conversations about marriage and 'dis'engagment. I also got to yell at a guy when his wedding ring mysteriously disappeared after his wife left for the night. He sheepishly reached in his pocket and put it back on. What a punk. I hope your wife of four months divorces you.

Destination #4: The Nite Hawk: We headed here on our feet, thus breaking the rules of a Max pub crawl, but everyone is too drunk to care. I was ready to be carried because the shoes really hurt, but my old classmate complimented me on how cute they are...validation. Once in the door, I played some pool, but failed all the shots...a rarity for me. That must mean it's time for...

Destination #5: Home: So I realized, I'm about done. Our last Max home was coming too, so my roomies and I headed out. We made it to a transfer station and realized that there were no more Max trains going to the Beav, so we ended up calling a taxi, got in, and zzzzzzzzzzz. I actually fell asleep on the ride home.

Anyway, it was a fun night, and I highly recommend a Max pub crawl. Here are some pointers though:

1) Be one of the few single girls in a group of male business professionals...you won't have to buy any drinks all night.
2) JUST don't pick up on any of the business professionals because they're either married and hiding their rings in their pockets, or have girlfriends, don't bring them, and lie for the night (but still buy you drinks).
3) Screw looking cute...wear your rain jacket and GOOD shoes.
4) Make sure that you MAKE the last train home because cabs late at night are spendy.
5) Keep a lot of water by your bed. You'll need it come morning when you...
6) Try to watch college football at 9:30 am, but then...
7) Go back to bed instead, because all that cheering will just hurt your head.