Last September

To most, this last week was probably an ordinary week. As for me, I'd like to celebrate the anniversary of a week that changed my perspective on the life I was living.

I actually wrote this in January. But it explains the process pretty well, so read on:

Months ago I excitedly found out that my long term boyfriend was finally going to propose to me. He announced this in an effort to select the exact ring I wanted, and it was one which he eventually successfully created. Having waited many years for him to show some sign of an effort to bump me from his girlfriend to bonafide fiancée, I was thrilled, ecstatic, and told everyone I knew.

By December, we were in the most awkward proposal ever. He was down on one knee, asking me to marry him, and my answer back? “I guess so.” I guess so? Yes, I really said this, and he didn’t seem to even flinch. He still put the ring on my finger, took me to show off to his family. How did we get that far, or better yet, how did I let it get that far?

In September I took an 800 mile roadtrip home to relax and spend time with my best friends. Jessica, one of my dearest friends who had already been married for years and had waited just as long for me to announce an engagement, conned me into checking out the local bridal shops to try on wedding dresses. I excitedly obliged (only to later find out from another friend that it's bad luck to try on wedding dresses before you are engaged), and we rushed to a shop with aisles and aisles of pretty white and cream dresses. We happily picked over the dresses finding three that held my interest…simple, but not too plain, bigger, but not on the edge of making me look like a mobster‘s bride. I tried on one…pretty, I like this, I look pretty on this pedestal. Then I tried on another, did a few twirls…yeah, this is working for me. Then I looked to the pedestal on my left and opened my ears and eyes to this beautiful glowing petite girl. “This song is going to make me cry because I am just so happy,” she said, fanning her eyes to hold back the welling tears. “I can’t wait to get married.” Gulp. That may have been the point where I started to realize that getting engaged had just become a goal for me, the next logical step…not a dream, and especially not the dream of spending the rest of my life with the man I was trying on this dress for.

Yeah, so I already knew last September that I wasn't ready to get married...and worse, that I wasn't sure I wanted to marry Mike. It would become a constant discussion between Mike and I up until the day of his proposal, and we thought about not doing it a few times. I think that I was hoping the real engagement would change my point of view. As you all know, it didn't and it was over a little more than a month later.

Completely unrelated, but equally important in my life...last September on my trip home, I met my dad for the first time. I remember it being the most nerve bending experience of my life, but I really wanted to meet the guy. He came to the mall, brought my little sister Lexy, we had rootbeer floats, and talked about the past. Later that night, I dragged my friend Jessica to his house to meet my other siblings. In January on another trip home, he introduced me to a stranger as his daughter. I think that was the point where it really kicked in that I was comfortable with the idea of having a dad.

Right now, we're still building our relationship, learning about each other and how much we have had in common all these years. I've always had 'dads' in my life, but it is a completely different experience to have a dad who shares your blood, your traits, your oddly loud voice. I'm happy to say that I don't regret the choice to find my dad and make him a part of my life...it's been great.

So finally, my trip last September set off the flashing lights in my head that I really wanted to move back home. I won't expand on the terror of pulling off that move for a while still, but it has been yet another decision that meets no regret. I'm loving life right now...my friends, my family, my job, even the weather. Now, if only that older sister of mine would move back home too...