So, I had my first Portland minor league baseball experience last night. Yeah, it's pretty different from games in other cities. The Portland Beavers are essentially an unamazing team with very few sober fans, as evidenced by the barrage of people packed into the beer gardens for a truer than McFaddens meat market experience (everyone said, "Duh Sarah, it's Thirsty Thursday...you think they come for the baseball?). We had a choice table right in the mid of the beer garden, and though I am still continuing the sober streak I started Saturday morning (okay, one beer doesn't count), I was highly entertained and actually had a lot of fun. Here's why:
The Hot and Tall Metrosexual Boys: This cracked me up. Several crews of very cute tall boys in clean button down shirts, well ironed designer jeans, and loafers stood around in girl-less circles chatting and looking too good for everyone else. I couldn't help but ogle at their beautiful and well groomed faces and haircuts. But come on already, this was a baseball game! Look the part boys.
Wait, am I at McFaddens? So an entire crew of Voodoo Lounge chicks show up in tight black halter tops, mini skirts and cowboy hats. And flocks of females wearing more makeup than I own and those flowy 'make you look pregnant' tops or skimpy halters kept pouring in. Once again, this is baseball girls...a cute tank and jeans will do just fine for drinking cheap beer and watching the one hit of the game in the bottom of the fifth inning.
The Hot and Recently Divorced 25 Year Old: So this poor guy who was hanging with our big group states that he is traumatized for life because he's already divorced. Makes sense. So I offered to help him scope out his perfect girl, to which he describes his cute little blond ex-wife as he shows me pictures of her on his cell phone, pictures of the cat she still has...did I see a tear in his eye? Damn, he really is traumatized. He tried to help me scope out a perfect guy too, but eventually ended up trying to get me to cruise off and sit in the bleachers alone with him, to which I declined. I've decided that this guy would make a quality pseudo date to hang out with though, so I think I may have to ask my friend to pseudo hook us up. Because I am REALLY done dating boys my brother's age...and scene.
Bastards: While waiting in line to return to the beer garden after a break, I started looking around and actually caught a guy mouthing 'tits too small' about a girl. What an ass! And then there was the 40 year old drunk ass who kept hitting on all of us young girls as he passed us in the wraparound line. Eeeeegh. Who raises their children to turn into these jerks? Shame, shame.
Proof that this really wasn't a baseball game at all: A few things register here. No one came around to our table to try to sell us peanuts. They stopped serving beer at the bottom of the sixth inning and about 75% of the crowd (including us) left. And no one did the wave or sang 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame.'
Besides all of this, I can see myself going back again. You essentially pay a $7 cover charge to hang out in a smokeless bar in the sun and socialize with a laid back crowd and people watch. My kind of summer night for sure.
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3 comments:
Hey, no new blog posts?
Ha, I'll try to beat you to a new blog post, but I've got a midterm to take today. You've got your chance now.
Hey, I want to take you and Marcus over to a new bar in the Pearl District (aka, Snobland). It's a place called Apotheke, and is very nifty. Also non-smoking, which you should be happy about. Wanna check this out next week? blogspam@petelee.org
Ah, Beavers games (interesting double meaning there). I'm kind of a baseball fan and always found that the Thuesday crowd was a bit different from the other weekdays due to the cheaper beer. Other nights it's a quieter, smaller crowd, more focused on the game. On the weekends, it's more like someone sold tickets to a family picnic and a baseball game broke out.
I really like watching triple-A baseball because the kids playing (and they are mostly kids) aren't doing it for the money and don't have a lot of attitude. Kinda a refreshing change from the Gary Sheffields of the baseball world (what a humble guy ... not). That said, the quality of the game isn't as good as in the Bigs, and games vary from boring to home-run-derby slugfests.
And if you really want to see a lot of beer consumption at PGE Park, try a Timbers game with the rest of the pseudo-Hooligans. GOOOOOOOOOALLLLL!
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