This has been one of the toughest weeks I've had in a long time. I am in that stage of thinking "What the hell am I doing?" to "Yeah, I know why I am doing this and it is all for the best." I admit that the genuine fear I am feeling is not mixing well with the whole excitement component.
I was talking to my friend Beck yesterday on the phone and he asked if Mike and I were still getting along, to which I replied positively. He said, "Oh that must make it so much easier." No, not really. Mike and I have both agreed that it makes it all the more harder. I know I have talked about this before, but I think that it occasionally bumps us into the "Could we have made this work?" or "I wonder if it's too late for counseling" stage. I'm in that haze of remembering why we were together instead of why we broke up, and that is irritating as all hell because the reasons for breaking up have been present for a long time.
I am not in the best state of mind I admit, and I think that is contributing to my above thoughts. Last night I came down with a fever, and today it's been hovering around 102 degrees even with medicine. I don't have a solid job lined up yet, and my level of control is literally shot to hell at the moment...and that is something I have never been able to stand.
Letting go of what is familiar to me right now will probably turn out to be a great thing, but I think I am going to need to be reminded of that until this level of freaking out passes. Losing the 102 degree fever will help too I imagine.
A scattered history of today and the past six years of my life. Read what you like...then take it or leave it...tell me what you think...just don't tell me I shouldn't have written it.
About Me
- Sarah
- Passionate about a lot of things, have a somewhat short attention span, peacemaker to a fault, find it very valuable to never stop learning or trying new things, and very attached to my close friends and family. I've been a very fortunate person in life and believe that people who are resilient can make it through anything. A motto I live by..."Spend time with people you actually like." If you do that, life should be pretty great.
Blog Archive
-
▼
2005
(152)
-
▼
March
(14)
- Somewhat Employed and Waiting for More
- Sunny Skies in Oregon
- Signing Off In Utah
- As much as I appreciate good sportsmanship, I can'...
- Thanks OTC Meds
- Roughing It
- My Steel Jawed Friend and Other Thoughts
- My Reflective Night
- The Long Long List of the Week
- Bright Blue Plastic Camel Please
- What I Liked (and Didn't) This Week
- Packing With Obituaries
- A Dead Record
- Jack Johnson Covers Josh Duhamel
-
▼
March
(14)
1 comment:
Gee, you sound like you need a nice long New Mexico vacation! Just kidding – actually not kidding but I know you have to move…sigh. If medicine isn’t working for your fever I suggest no work, no packing, and get some rest. Although maybe in your case some extra junk food will clear it right up. You are just stressed out you need to be calm and burn some lavender oil and sage and rub some peppermint along your temple. Or get a book about starting over like…um… I know - Good Grief by Lolly Winston. It’s a great book that coincidentally takes place in Ashland.
Try not to stay in the haze of remembering why you were together. There’s no good reason to rough out a non-working relationship. In the end you’ll still break up for the same reasons (or do you not remember the Jennifer and a certain person whose name starts with A saga)? Not that we don’t adore both of you. In fact today was kind of depressing because Cedar called Mike four times on his pretend phone. Pretend Mike and Cedar had some long conversations and he told him he’d be visiting soon and be bringing him cookies. He tried to call you too but told me he got a wrong number??? What’s with this child?
Anyway, hang in there and soon you’ll be in Oregon among your friends and you’ll feel so much better! Just think you can visit the ocean, and Powell’s, and drink real beer with actual alcohol in it that I haven’t had to smuggle into Utah! I hope you feel better soon. Love and all kinds of hugs & kisses – your best sister ever.
Post a Comment