Rebound Twins

Yes, it is technically Friday night, and I am at home writing in this thing. I was pretty sick today, so I slept for five hours after work, sleepily replied to text messages asking, "What the hell are you doing?," and disregarded all invitations to go on adventures so that I can hit the town tomorrow night instead. That leaves me awake and not tired at 2:30 because there is nothing else to do...everyone else is sleeping.

Anyway, I thought about Adam yesterday. Not for any reason of sentimentality, but because I realized that I already dated him seven years ago. Alright, not him exactly, but pretty close. Actually, creepily close. So close I am wondering how I possibly let this happen again.

I have had two long term relationships. Alright, maybe three, but I refuse to count my high school boyfriend, Brian, because he broke up with me three times over the course of a year and a half and it was always just ridiculous...our finale was him offering to marry me so I would know he wouldn't break up with me again. Yeah, great idea. I finally got to be the deal breaker with that one. Anyway, of the two, one ended after two years when I was twenty, and then you all know about the end of my five and a half year one this past January. Each time, I have been the one to kill it off, and I realized that my rebounds from each relationship have been insanely similar.

Nick was my first rebound boy at age twenty. He was a very good looking, but not so smart, Catholic raised, jock boy who came from a rural city and played way too much golf. He had a job with crappy hours that didn't mesh well with my late night personality. Basically he was a morning person and out the door by 5:00 am and had to go to bed early, even on the weekends sometime. He played football for his first two years of college. He could pick me up, carry me, and spin me around. We were together about two months despite some irritating red flags, and then we were as good as over right around the Fourth of July.

Seven years and one botched long term relationship later, Adam enters the picture. He too is a very good looking, but not so smart, Catholic raised, jock boy who came from a rural city and plays way too much golf (oh, and in his case as many know, poker). He has a job with crappy hours that didn't mesh well with my late night personality. Basically he's a morning person who is out the door by 5:00 am and has to go to bed early, even on the weekends sometime. He played baseball for his first two years of college. He could pick me up, carry me, and spin me around. We were together about two months despite some irritating red flags, and then we were as good as over right around the Fourth of July.

Looking at these two guys, I realize they both served the same unintentional mission...they were the test runs to make me realize what I do and don't want in a relationship. I realize that when I am with someone like this, I tend to let my own values and viewpoints slide. I get caught up in their interests and do what they like to do because they don't tend to like to expand into a new realm of ideas and culture and do the things that I like to do. Neither of these guys would have ever watched a foreign film with me or gone to sushi. Trust me, I tried. The conversations are never that deep and I get frustrated with the lack of intelligence in the relationship. There is a very practical edge to this type of guy too, and that comes with a lot of traditional crap that I have never been big on.

So what do I want in a relationship? I like my guys to be sharp, witty, and thoughtful. I like for them to support the sense of empowerment and independence I have carried with me my whole life. I want them to be able to talk about what's on the third page of the paper, different genres of movies and music, and differing views in society. I want them to be willing to check out my interests as much as I do theirs. They can be as good looking as the jock boys, I'll have no problem with that. But if they don't take care of their minds, I'm sure I will remember to pass on them next time. Not that my next long term relationship is going to end, so I probably don't have to worry about adding a rebound triplet to this list anyway. If I make it to that point, you have permission to stick me in Catholic jockboy rehab.