Mean Things We Did

So in high school, my girlfriends and I had this brigade we called the "Moo Crew." This crew consisted of an old piece of crap Datsun or something of that sort that had cow seat covers, a random assortment of my cheerleader friends and girls mad at exes, and a lot of eggs and toilet paper. We'd drive around late at night in the summer and do our dirty work. Occasionally, we would even score vats of solidified fat from Burger King (where oh so many of our friends were employed) and use that as our ammo too.

One great memory, which I wasn't even involved in because I decided to skip the last round of the night and send my visiting friend instead, was an attack on our friend's ex's house. We had already hit it once that night, and when a car load of girls returned again, the mother of the guy jumped out of the bushes and screamed, "Why are you doing this to us?" in full rage. We thought it was hilarious at the time, but damn, looking back...no it's still funny. That guy referred to himself as "Red Rocket" on his letterman's jacket. He deserved it.

Another time, we employed my fourteen year old brother to drive the car so we could all duck our heads and not be seen and ended up accidentally driving onto a golf course with the lights out on the car. I can't help but think this probably fed into my brother's future delinquency, but then again.

Another favorite place to hit, and this had a moral side, were the drive in strip joints and pornshops. We'd throw as many eggs as we could and speed away yelling obscenities and criticisms that usually included the word pervert in there somewhere.

So Horsemouth, Red Rocket, many exes, and all you nudie shop frequenters...we can't take back what we did, and you probably deserved it anyway.