Mother's Day

So, Mother's Day is coming up. Reminders to celebrate are everywhere... newspaper ads, billboards, TV commercials, special issues of women's magazines devoted to the feat of motherhood. As I get older, I try to focus on the positives behind this day, but I still struggle a bit to do it.

Mother's Day is a holiday I have truly disliked my entire life because every year it's arrival meant that my mom was going to do something completely off the wall. One year, she decided to drink the day away and then smash Barbie's Getaway Condo because my sister and I were not letting our little brother play with us. I watched from halfway under my bed just baffled and confused. Interesting to say the least, but only topped every year after with more of the same. It generally became the day to slip a card under the door and just hide out or leave the house.

I was the last sibling to quit talking to my mom, sort of holding out for a glimmer of hope that she would turn around and become a 'normal' mother, whatever that may be. There were many more of the 'hide out or leave' days that I could handle, but after a few 'out there' situations that seriously made me feel as if I was compromising my own sanity and safety, I called it a day with her three years ago. People usually don't understand until they sit down and listen to a few stories about her. Many times, I have heard, "But she's your mom, you have to love her." But once they hear more, they realize I have the right idea.

Every now and then, I feel guilt about having no relationship with my mom. This is the woman I am supposed to cherish for the fact that she labored me into this world and raised me all by herself with no partner. The fact that my mom is not dead, but merely somewhere out there occasionally bothers me, but I quickly remember the toxicity of the relationship.

What I can do is appreciate that my mom made me who I am. Her flawed technique only helped to create my traits. I work my ass off, can find the light in any dark situation, and I prefer to be a peacemaker instead of a fighter. I admit that my wall can be unusually high, and my feelings can lie dormant until someone kicks them out of me. But for the most part, I get a lot of "How did you guys all turn out so normal?"

My sister is a mom now, and I have bought her cards for Mother's Day twice, but never sent them. She has the same dislike for the holiday that I do...but she is a great mom. I'm sure I will be too. Our mom's cycle won't continue because we're deathly committed to not letting that happen. And that is reason enough to celebrate.